


AU Meme: Romana & River Song

by lost_spook



Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ficlet, Gen, Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6579157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_spook/pseuds/lost_spook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10 AU scenarios for River & Romana from an LJ meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AU Meme: Romana & River Song

**Author's Note:**

> Written for PhoenixDragon, who asked for either Romana or River, or both.

**Wild West**  
“I’m afraid,” said the sheriff, locking the the jail door on her latest prisoner, “that if you wanted to rob a bank, you chose the wrong town.”

“Oh, sweetie,” said the notorious outlaw, giving a flirtatious smile, “I chose exactly the _right_ town…”

**Coffee Shop**  
It was quite the best coffee shop in the country. It perched in an ideal position on the edge of town (but not too far from the shops) with a splendid view out over the gently rolling green hills and nearby lake. Its coffee was divine and its cakes perfection.

The proprietor was, however, currently not entirely happy. “Yes,” she said, “on the phone, but where _are_ you? It’s my holiday next week and you don’t even sound as if you’re in the country.”

The voice on the other end of the telephone squeaked and babbled, inaudible to everyone but the proprietor.

“Really?” said Romana. “In Kent? Excavating Roman ruins? You know, it’s terribly funny but it sounds like a lot of people are speaking Spanish over there.” She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, students. I see. You _will_ be back by Monday, won’t you?” She flinched at a noise on the other end. “River, is someone shooting at you? Where are you - and what have you stolen this time?” She shook her head at the unheard reply. “Well, of course I need to know. How else am I supposed to bail you out?”

**Shapeshifters**  
“I thought it’d be fun,” said River, once they resumed human form. “It wasn’t, was it? Damn.”

Romana shook her head. “It was interesting, but the fur does seem to itch one rather. Also, I would have preferred some warning. It wasn’t the most convenient moment.” She paused, watching River. “And, do tell me – why otters?”

**Pirates**  
“What now?” said Captain Romana. “We’ve robbed, pillaged, stolen loot, buried it, dug up someone else’s stolen loot _and_ buried it again. You’ve had your wicked way with at least two prisoners, three naval captains and six tavern wenches. And,” she added conscientiously, “one rather marvellous pirate captain at least four times. Is there anything else pirates usually do, or have we accomplished everything already?”

River considered it. “Probably. All the best bits, anyway. How about we sail all over the Seven Seas instead? I hear there’s any number of wonders out there…”

**. . . In SPACE!!**  
“Well,” said Romana, walking into space command as the new, democratically-elected president of the Federation, her second in command at her side. “This rebellion business isn’t so hard, after all. I don’t know what that Avon chap was making such a fuss about.”

“He didn’t have me, did he? You’ll find that makes all the difference.”

Romana ignored such an obvious irrelevancy. “I can’t help but feel,” she said, “that he lacked the right organisational and PR skills.”

**Born Another Gender**  
“Are you sure,” Fred said to River, “that this jewel heist is the best plan?”

“Have you got a better one?”

“Now that you mention it, yes. Several.”

**Schoolfic**  
“Ooh, it’s the big bad head girl. What are you going to do?” said River. “Expel me?”

Romana surveyed the sixth form’s biggest troublemaker with interest. “No. I think that was probably what you were after. I’m going to send you to Coventry for a few days. Oh, and write out ‘I must not break into the prefects’ room’ five hundred times.”

“What if I don’t?”

Romana gave her a smile. “Oh, I don’t think you want to find _that_ out.”

**Police/Firefighters**  
“One day you’ll finally learn that I’m simply cleverer than you and stop attempting to pull off jewel heists in my city,” said Det. Chief Inspector Romana. “Until then, we’ll keep on meeting like this, Ms Song.”

River shrugged. “What can I say? I like a challenge. And,” she added, with a glint in her eye, “you do the arresting so _well_ , sweetie. I’m getting addicted to your way with a pair of handcuffs. Bit of a nuisance, but what can an internationally renowned cat-burglar do?”

“Oh, well,” said Romana, “I suppose I _am_ rather superb. You’re still under arrest, though.”

“Damn.”

**Urban Fantasy**  
“You know,” said River, “vampire hunting’s no fun if all the vampires keep running away and hiding. I’m sure one of that last gang staked himself before I got to him. Are we getting too good at it or what?”

Romana gave a private smile. Some vampires, she thought, were _excellent_ at hiding. Her gaze slid to River’s neck and she wondered when would be the right moment to make that clear to her friend.

**Regency**  
It was indeed a happy day on which Lady Romana Dvoreatrelundar met Miss River Song: what better partnership could there be than one made between a bored and extremely rich aristocrat and a would-be archaeologist of no great family or fortune with a passion for exploring?


End file.
